Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Tale of Two Maties

Gabby from Gabby She Wrote inspired me to tell the tale of how I met Bon Don. It's a luxurious tale indeed. Have tissue nearby. If you're like Narm, you might have wet wipes instead.

Follow me to place where incredible feats are routine every hour or so... Anaheimian niiiiiights. OOPS sorry! I went a little ADD on ya.

So anyway, I wasn't always this luxurious [humor me]. Before I moved to The OC, I lived in The Tundra, a tiny little town known for cows and farms n shit [Note: I did not grow up there, just lived there for a couple of years]. I worked at a call center, taking reservation for a hotel company. I couldn't wait to get the fuggoutta there, the smell of cow gave me a headache so the second I saw an opportunity, I transferred to a hotel. Bon Don happened to work at said hotel. She's worked there since... oh I dunno... 1872 or so.

My first year at the hotel, my office was on the first floor. Bon Don works in the basement [Haha they put her in the corner, where she belongs. You know, familiar territory]. Every Tuesday on my way to my weekly meeting in the basement, I walked by Bon Don's corner. She looked so nice and innocent [I know right?!]. I always smiled at her and she smiled back, usually we exchanged Hi's.

A year later, I transferred to the basement and saw a lot more of Bon Don. We ran into eachother in the Grapeslime, which is the employee cafeteria. She asked me if I transferred to the basement, then proceeded to give me the low down on EVERY THANG! She was like, "Don't be friends with this betch, her skin stinks mmkay, she don't take showers. And that other heiffer, uhuh, watch out for her. Don't sit on that side of the Grapeslime, that's where the peasants sit. Sit over here with us tomorrow". I was in love!

I came back everyday, Bon Don always had the 411. Dude, it's crazy, this woman knows everything! There's about 1,000 employees, she knows everybody's drama. And she's been there since before hotels had electricity or running water, so she knows all about the execs and the shenanigans they pulled prior to becoming execs.

So anyway, it was love at first sight, if you don't count that first year. And we've been inseparable ever since. Her hubby doesn't even mind.

Together, we've made people cry, quit, pee, move, see a therapist, attempt suicide, miscarry ...allegedly.

Did I mention cry?

We were never convicted.

Btw, she's London, I'm Paris.


  1. OMGawd Him!! That brought two, not one..TWO tears to my eyes!! That was such a luxurious story. Almost as luxurious as you!!

  2. *sniff sniff*
    I couldn't have told it better myself!

    HAHAHA You're so cute my little Himbolito!

    BTW it was 1873...get it right! and that bitch still don't shower everyday! I can STILL smell that rotten hedionda, yuck

    Love always,
    Bon Don Walker

  3. MzTapz: I aim to please. Aw thanks!

    Bon Don: LMAO! You crack me up boo-boo. I need a picture of us two together so I can post on here. I don't have one!! WTF, right?!

  4. OMG that story is completely luxurious! I love it!

  5. You and I would so be work friends.
    Obvi since I'm a mean girl too :)

  6. Also: I have spent many a hot ass summer in Hemet! Such a lovely, lovely, LUXURIOUS place!

  7. Gabby: Me loves it! Glad you liked it. We are sooooo members of The Luxurious Society. WAIT! You know Hemet? how the heck?? you must divulge! Glad you know my pain. But let me tell ya... Hemet summers have nothing on Palm Springs summers, but PS is uber luxurious so it's okay.

    The Alleged Ringleader: I know hah! I love reading your stories, they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside :) You know how we roll, just keepin it luxe!

    Bow Chica Wah Wah: Word!

  8. My grandparents live in Hemet! So I was shipped there every summer. I once fell off my scooter (yes, my SCOOTER) and had to get stiches at Hemet General. In case you were wondering.

    And I'm not rude! I'm saving myself for Bon Don's brother.

  9. OH cute! I have to say this - Nobody puts baby in the corner!
    Oh my gosh she has told me a few times about this girls smelly skin- you guys are so bad! It's funny to because she doesn't look like she knows about everyone or likes she gossips-I think thats her great secret!

  10. Just so everyone knows this bitch didn`t work at a call center, He worked on the farm milking the cows and jacking off the horses not to mention FUCKING all the chickens....BAGAK just dont nut in them himblow..

  11. I cried.
    And i never cry. Cause i'm manly.